I was just sitting here writing in a journal about how calm, confident, and “able” I feel right now. Life just seems really good to me lately. I’m enjoying it instead of stressing about it. I lay there last night before I went to sleep and just basked in all the things I’m enjoying right now. I’m doing a Bible study by Beth Moore called Breaking Free: Making Freedom in Christ a Reality in Life. I’m doing that on my lunch break – so I’m focused there. I don’t do it every day; but I’m steadily moving along. I’ve stopped reading so much non-fiction and have been reading Christian fiction for the past few weeks and I’m enjoying reading so much more. Non-fiction, Christian self-help, books on codependency, forgiveness, etc. make me very introspective and discouraged when I read them too much; and I was doing way too much of that. I had about six of those books going at one time. It’s no wonder I felt overwhelmed and inadequate! Now I look forward to reading at the end of the day and actually ENJOY it. I’m always trying to do better, be better, feel better – lately I’ve just relaxed about it all – without even meaning to - and I'm letting God take care of me. It’s a good feeling. Why did it take me so long? I don’t know…
In my art, I’m drawing from photos in colored pencil – that zinnia set me on a new path – it felt so good to work on something steadily as I had the time and inclination – with colored pencil you can start and stop – there’s no mess – each drawing does take a lot of time and you can’t complete it in one session so you always have a project there ready for you to work when you have time. It’s very correctable and you don’t have to worry so much about mistakes. And when you finish, you have something worthwhile and beautiful. For a while I struggled with thinking it was taking too long, becoming too “precious” due to all the time it was taking, and that it wasn’t the way I wanted my art to go… but then when I stop and think that I feel more focused, less stressed and overwhelmed with all the many art supplies, mediums, styles, feeling like I have to sketch everyday, etc.; and I have a focus – knowing there’s a photograph waiting on me, my colored pencils are there all laid out on the drawing table, the only prep work is to trim the pencil occasionally...I work on 5" x 7" paper so the size is manageable. And colored pencil just feels natural to me; I know when I start a drawing that I can complete it and it be a success and not a failure. You never know in watercolor because it’s such a temperamental medium, and who has time for acrylic, canvas, washing brushes, etc. I do love watercolor - but I always have to add something to it, either colored pencil, pen, or something. I think it seems rather washed out and vague on its own. (I'm sure that's my lack of ability and not so much the medium.)
I hope you don't mind my ramblings. I want to record these thoughts so that I don't go back to my old ways and begin to feel stressed, overwhelmed, introspective, unfocused, etc. again. I like the new me...
Happy Tuesday evening to you all - I'm going home to cook supper for my family and then hit the couch for a little reading - or I may pull out a photo and draw :-)
