What you can’t see in the picture is my dining room table pushed up against the organizer on the left so tightly that you couldn’t pull the bench out to sit down. You see the sewing machine on the table under the window. I believe that is partly what started my dilemma. I decided to learn to sew. I bought a machine last Christmas on Black Friday and taught myself how to sew, having never threaded a sewing machine and certainly having never free-motion stitched. I successfully learned this and produced some small art pieces, which I have posted in earlier blog posts.
The problem for me was that I had developed so many varied art interests and so many ideas for projects that when I sat down to create in my short little time spans available, I developed a form of ADHD. All these materials and supplies and all these unfinished projects bombarded me and I could do nothing, or maybe I would do something and then get distracted and move on to something else until nothing was complete and I felt disjointed and like my head was spinning around on my shoulders…which left me frustrated and unfulfilled.
And so began the search to find a solution…My true love, my first love --- drawing, and then I learned to watercolor, and paint and draw with colored pencils. There was a lovely time when I owned a few tubes of watercolor, which were very familiar and well-loved; a few brushes, pencils and colored pencils, and a few pens. And all these things were used and loved. I was learning and growing as an artist and creating. Life was simple. I had few books and read what I had, one art magazine subscription – “The Artist’s Magazine”. These were simple times.
Not that I didn’t enjoy trying all the new things I have tried and buying all the supplies I have. FUN! But I’m at a place where I must say to myself, “ENOUGH.” Now it’s time to put those things to use, but not all at the same time; at least not right now. I have to return to simplicity. I have to, or I will stop making art altogether. And that would be like stopping my breath. I can’t imagine.
So… yesterday I put all extraneous supplies into boxes neatly on shelves and in my closet and in the one organizing unit all stacked into one neat tower. And I left out just the essentials in my desk organizer. A few pens, a few brushes, a few colored pencils, and my watercolor palette – only one. A small table and lamp and a few supplies. Just enough to feel like I can breathe again. Concentrate. Focus. I will sketch and journal using the basics. I will not do it out of a sense of duty or obligation. I will do it as I want to and enjoy the precious moments of creativity. I will not feel guilt over the hoard of supplies I have put away, but will leave them there boxed away, and if after a couple years I have not returned to some of them at all, then I will donate them. But not until I’m sure they can go. In the meantime, they are there.
The day after Christmas, my mother became very ill. She had mini strokes and seizures and has been in the hospital for over 2 weeks. She is now in a continuing care facility and her mind is not well. She is confused and severely so at times. Her eyes have taken on a glazed look, she seems a lot like a child. But she is content and happy I believe; I feel very at peace about her being there. I have seen God’s faithfulness and grace in all that she has gone through. He is with her. She has been a faithful follower of Jesus Christ for many, many years. She is an example to us all of a true saint of God. And now as always, His grace is sufficient. I saw her today and had a good visit.
I will soon be divorced. Something that has been coming for the entirety of my 18-year marriage. Separated and reunited many times, now it’s time to accept that an ending and a new beginning is in order. Out of that marriage came the biggest blessing I have ever received, a beautiful now 17-year-old daughter who is my greatest joy.
“For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come…” Song of Solomon 2:11-12Spring is coming soon. I have grieved for too long. It is time for me to fly…
So with my simplification – there is a casting off of the burden and a spreading of my wings, a stretching, rediscovering, season of growth and discovery and reaching new heights. I’ve been through so much and God’s grace is, as always, sufficient.
I will post pictures of my simplified studio and some simplified artwork soon…
Thank you all for being my art friends and for taking the time to stop and visit here.
